Post by Bromhead24 on Feb 14, 2008 13:25:25 GMT -5
Idiot sighting #11: I don't know if you've been sent these before, but the instruction manual for the VW Beetle was loaded with stupid instructions. It's been awhile since I read the manual, but the one I remember most clearly is: Do not travel with water or objects in the flower vase in the dashboard.
Post by Bromhead24 on Feb 14, 2008 13:26:32 GMT -5
Idiot sighting #13: As a police officer I quite often found myself working a car accident involving more than one car that required some traffic direction. It never failed that at least one of the vehicles moving through the accident scene would slow down by me and ask "what happened?" DUH!
Idiot sighting #14: Years ago, I went out to dinner with a group of friends for a prime rib meal. One friend brought his younger brother, who was a confident and somewhat cocky know-it-all. When the waiter got to him, he asked how he wanted his meat, and he said, uuuh....cooked? The waiter asked again, thinking that he didn't hear him correctly and he said it again...cooked? Everyone laughed and he looked clueless! The waiter had to explain; rare, medium-rare, medium-well or well done. By then, he turned beet red! So, when you think you know it all, think again!!
Idiot sighting #15: I work at a large retail chain in Columbus at the customer service desk. On day I had a man call and ask where the store was located, so I told him. Then he asked me to spell the street name, so I did. He said he was unfamiliar with the area and asked for directions. I asked him where he was coming from. He responded, "from my house". Can you believe it!!!!
Idiot sighting #16: I work in a coffee shop. We serve Frappucinos which are iced cold coffee slushy-like things. Well, more than once, I have had a person come up to me and ask me what those were. So I would say something along the lines of "it is a coffee base blended with ice." And these people would respond with "But is it cold?"
Idiot sighting #17: Years ago, I had a part time job at a Wal-Mart. It was one of those that were open 24 hours a day. One of my duties was answering the phone, and we had a set script we were supposed to follow that went something like this: "Thank you for choosing your 24 hour Wal-Mart. How may I direct your call?" or something to that effect. It would always amaze me how many people would then ask us what time we closed the store for the day.
Idiot sighting #18: I work on a wood fired steam tour boat. We do short 1 hour tours, and, as a little show for our passengers we re-load the boat with firewood before each tour. I have been asked on two separate occasions if the boat was a "diesel" ( while loading the WOOD onto the boat)and after explaining, "no, it's STEAM" they have asked if it was "coal fired."
Idiot sighting #19: I was working as a receptionist for a busy law firm. During a spat of phone calls, I asked a caller if I could put her on 'hold' in order to answer the other line. She told me not to worry, the other caller was probably HER!!
Idiot sighting #20: This happened to me just last night! I drink lemon juice in my water. Well I work in a bowling center and we use lemon juice to finish cleaning our grill at night. Well I got the lemon juice out of the bottle and started to pour it in my water. This lady I work with says, "Stop! Don't use that!" Of course I asked why not? She showed me the label that says refrigerate after opening. She said, "This bottle has been under the grill, you don't want to drink that in your water." I said, "well whatever." Then she said, "Well if that lemon juice is sour, don't cry to me when you get sick!"
Idiot sighting #21: I work for a government agency that has small offices in different locations around the county. A lady called one of these offices and asked to have someone come to her house to hook up her TV to cable. The operator told her that she had called the tax office not the cable company. After repeating her request a number of times & getting the same answer from our operator, the exasperated woman finally said "well, I was told that this was the SATELLITE office".
Idiot sighting #22: I used to to live in Hawaii on the island of Oahu and was the manager of a large tourist gift store. Customers would come up to me and see my manager name tag and ask. "Oh, Do you live here in Hawaii? I would repond... No, I commute back and forth from California everyday.
Good ones, Mike. In defense of the restaurant employee who said that you could have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but not just a peanut butter one, wasn't there a product out some time ago called for some odd reason, NO JELLY that had peanut butter and jelly in the same jar? Maybe that's all that restaurant used, to save time. Just a thought.
Theres probably some here already posted above...sorry
>> >> IDIOT SIGHTING >> >> This week, My phone went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by e-mail. I asked him, "Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?"
>> >> IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD >> >> We live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.
>> >> IDIOT SIGHTING >> >> My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
>> >> IDIOT SIGHTING >> >> The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
>> >> IDIOT SIGHTING >> >> At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
>> >> IDIOT SIGHTING >> >> I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
>> >> IDIOT SIGHTING >> >> When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."
>> >> IDIOT SIGHTING >> >> A support technician at a computer company received a call from a frantic woman. After accessing her records the technician said to the woman " I see you are running Windows 98". The phone line went totally silent! The technician asked repeatedly "Mam are you still there", but got no answer. After about 5 minutes, just as the technician was getting ready to hang up a soft/embarrassed voice said "If I had known you could see me I would have gotten dressed before I called you!"
Last Edit: Mar 2, 2008 15:17:06 GMT -5 by Bromhead24
My brother, who works for the Hastings (Nebraska) Tribune just sent me this swell list from that paper. Enjoy.
Subject: Darwin Awards > > Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once > > > >> again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The > > > >> Darwin's are awarded every year to the persons who > > > >> died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing > > > >> themselves from the gene pool. This year's nine > > > >> nominees are: > > > >> > > > >> Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An > > > >> unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break > > > >> a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot > > > >> himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a > > > >> hole in his gut. > > > >> > > > >> Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34, > > > >> (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he > > > >> was trying to repair what police describe as a > > > >> "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the > > > >> truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that > > > >> he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. > > > >> Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the > > > >> other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft." > > > >> > > > >> Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles > > > >> Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in > > > >> December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a > > > >> ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the > > > >> phone but grabbed instead a Smith &Wesson 38 Special, > > > >> which discharged when he drew it to his ear. (For > > > >> whatever reason, residents of Southern states always > > > >> seem to figure prominently among the Darwin nominees.) > > > >> > > > >> Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer > > > >> demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown > > > >> Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his > > > >> shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police > > > >> spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard > > > >> of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday > > > >> evening as he was explaining the strength of the > > > >> building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy > > > >> previously has conducted demonstrations of window > > > >> strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, > > > >> managing partner of the firm Holden Day, told the > > > >> Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best > > > >> and brightest" members of the 200-man association. > > > >> > > > >> Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]: A terrible > > > >> diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed > > > >> for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas > > > >> emissions. There was no mark on his body, and an > > > >> autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his > > > >> system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and > > > >> cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just > > > >> the right combination of foods. It appears that the > > > >> man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous > > > >> cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been > > > >> outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't > > > >> have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his nearly > > > >> airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a > > > >> big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly > > > >> gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was > > > >> hospitalized. > > > >> > > > >> Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]: Michael > > > >> Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. > > > >> He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's > > > >> electric chair on a murder conviction before having > > > >> his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting > > > >> on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his > > > >> small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted. > > > >> (South Carolina entrants are always perennial > > > >> favorites.) > > > >> > > > >> Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette > > > >> lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in > > > >> Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a cigarette > > > >> lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was > > > >> killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his > > > >> face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David > > > >> Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at > > > >> about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning > > > >> a 54-caliber muzzle loader that had not been firing > > > >> properly. He was using the lighter to look into the > > > >> barrel when the gunpowder ignited. > > > >> > > > >> Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man > > > >> cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his > > > >> condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped > > > >> and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, > > > >> was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident > > > >> occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel > > > >> Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and > > > >> he went over the balcony," Honer said. > > > >> > > > >> Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]: > > > >> Two local men were injured when their pickup truck > > > >> left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on > > > >> State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy > > > >> Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after > > > >> midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and > > > >> Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning > > > >> to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an overcast > > > >> Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck headlights > > > >> malfunctioned. > > > >> > > > >> The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the > > > >> older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement > > > >> fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 > > > >> caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the > > > >> fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon > > > >> inserting the bullet the headlights again began to > > > >> operate properly, and the two men proceeded on > > > >> eastbound toward the White River Bridge. > > > >> > > > >> After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just > > > >> before crossing the river, the bullet apparently > > > >> overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the > > > >> testicles. > > > >> > > > >> The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the > > > >> pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only > > > >> minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will > > > >> require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his > > > >> testicles, which will never operate as intended. > > > >> Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and > > > >> released. > > > >> > > > >> "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston > > > >> shot his balls off, or we might both be dead," stated > > > >> Wallis. > > > >> > > > >> "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the > > > >> world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe > > > >> that those two would admit how this accident > > > >> happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the > > > >> wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the > > > >> boys had caught and did anyone get them from the > > > >> truck??? > > > >> > > > >> (Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of > > > >> their misadventure as normally required by Darwin > > > >> Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole DID, > > > >> in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene > > > >> pool.) > > > > > Tony Herrman > Regional Reporter > Hastings Tribune > firstname.lastname@example.org > 402-461-1258